Symphonic Styling

This is not a blog post by the fashion police or a style review by some preppy kid in Los Angeles who doesn’t drink tap water. This is simply a footpath to the fashion of Kwaicore. I mean who said looks don’t count? Your mom? So did mine, but they lied.  So lets talk about these musicians’ image, so that if their music falls flat their clothes might still get an encore…. I want you to think The Jetson’s meets Swiss Family Robison. Kwaicore performers are recognized for their uniformed baggy cotton button ups and brown leather sandals that remain unparalleled by a common thread of futuristic accessories. (Excuse the pun) The style of Kwaicore is very much an acquired taste. First impressions leave you a little muddled; raising the same eyebrow you did when you discovered that Justin Bieber was a boy. I call it the ‘fuck a duck’ expression, but as you interact more and more with this genre and its ambassador’s, you begin to appreciate the brand that they have created for themselves. Their choice of cloth allows them total freedom on stage, while still illustrating a noticeable effort. Their trademark opaque sunglasses and bright frills are indicative of their special effect performances -that highlight elements of their outfits through ultraviolet rays and smoke machines. All in all it’s a look that turns heads. Maybe not all the way around but certainly a neck jerker!

Kwaito gets Cuffed!

Please forgive me for this next pun, but I just can’t help myself….’It’s time for our very own Durban Kwaito star, Professor Langa to face the music!’ It appears as though Mkhonzeni Langa (who goes by the stage name Professor Langa) committed more than a crime of fashion last week when he showed up at the Metro FM Music Awards dressed as a metro police officer! The NPA – National Prosecuting Authority, for those of you who watch shows like 90210, has issued a summons for the star to appear in Durban Magistrate’s Court on the 17^th of May. So what’s the worst that could happen? Well quite a lot it seems, he is facing charges of impersonating a police officer, possession of a police uniform and wearing a police uniform without permission. You see by law, only SAPS – South African Police Service, that’s incase you watch Jersey Shore, and metro police officers can use a police uniform and badge. If anyone else is adorned in blue, special permission from the national police commissioner is needed. Without this permission Professor Langa could be facing up to 6 months imprisonment!

If we take the ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ approcach’, this could be prime material for a hit song. Maybe ‘I ain’t scared of no popo?’ 

How do you know if Kwaito is for you?

If you have never opened the door to Kwaito, maybe it’s time you consider opening a window? I’m not asking you to erect a Brenda Fussy shrine in your bedroom but I am asking you to extend your musical vocabulary, broaden your palate, break out of your comfort zone and face the unknown! Ladies and gentlemen just give it a chance…

So how do you know if you are even going to enjoy this ‘Kwaito’? If you would rather swallow a battery than go to a family reunion then Kwaito is probably not for you. If you are a ‘social sitter’ – meaning that you may extend a hello, but never your legs at a party then Kwaito is less likely to be on your iPod. If the thought of choreographed steps makes you sweat then maybe give Kwaito a miss? However, if you live for Friday afternoons, where you consider your weekend starting after your first coffee break, if you are the kind of person who would rather cast a line then meet a deadline and if you feel as though music moves you, not emotionally but physically moves you as though you’re a garden gnome being shuffled around the garden by an elderly women with OCD then Kwaito is for you!

How to be 'Hardcore':

1). Never defend the hardcore music scene!     

      Hardcore music is an acquired taste -as it was meant to be, like      blue cheese or

      sushi. Listening to an album by 100 Demons or playing a track by Jawbreaker  

      does not result in a frenzy of nation wide toe tapping or catalyze an increase

      in ankle tattoos of musical lyrics. Hardcore music is not made for the masses,

      it is aimed at a certain type and audience and no one should ever apologize

      for that! At the end of the day, who really cares what music paddles through

      your ear canals? If you are enjoying the trip, just cruise!

2). Get involved.

       No one will ever take you seriously as a hardcore music extraordinaire unless

       you support your local scene. Go to gigs, watch home-grown punk bands and

       learn their songs. Everyone respects the kid who can unscramble their

       favorite bands lyrics, if you can’t, Google them. Google can be the answer to

       more than just confident karaoke, if you ever need instructions on how to

       pop your eyelid inside out or wonder about the origins of the wagtail bird…

       Google it! Google is a friend. 

3). Learn how to ‘Mosh’…

       I’m talking about mosh pits! One needs to be aware of the unwritten rules

       here, the intention is NOT to cause bodily harm! Moshing is about releasing

       aggression, not about releasing teeth! Lift people when they fall, don’t cope a

       feel – it’s wrong, wear the right gear (clothes that you don’t mind ever

       wearing again) and most importantly brace yourself!